Challenged To The Core - Kathi Brixey

What would it take for you to sit still, keep your thoughts and mouth quiet, and listen to really hear another person? Good question to ponder right? Some of us would need to be hog tied to our chair, while others might need to have tape across their mouths. It’s not easy to listen and not interject your thoughts on the matter at hand. We often think that what we would do is the right choice for other people so we give advice and are then disappointed when it’s not taken. What would be the harm in just listening to what the other person has to say. Because as parents we get in the habit of knowing what’s right or best for our younger children, we fall into the trap of not realizing that our pre-teen and teens might have their own thoughts on any given event. Conversation is a two way dialog between two or more people. In order to hear we must first stop talking. In order to hear what is really being said we have to “listen with an open heart.”

In Proverbs 10:19 it says “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” When small children come home from school that first thirty to forty minutes is when they will share the most about their day. Encourage them to talk, talk, talk you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Why? When you establish an open road to communication when they are small the road is paved for the bigger things in life. You know the subjects that make you a little queasy, boys, girls, sex, drugs, peer pressure, who God is and how do I fit into His plans for me. After we established the “time out” policy in our home communication got better and better. (The time out policy is when we get into a heated disagreement and one of the participants calls time out for an hour, then the two parties come back together and calmly tell each other what they heard.) The girls especially began to share their thoughts on subjects even I hadn’t thought of. Here is where it gets a little tricky, you need to listen for what is not being said as well. I found out so many things that they were facing at school and even things that I had no idea were going on, because I was aware of what was not being shared. Those are the areas that you can begin to ask questions about. Through this process our girls began to share with me their hopes, dreams and desires for their life. For me this was a small glimpse of what heaven will be like. I was asked questions about kissing, holding hands, and as they grew into young women the teachable moments this type of conversation brings led us to so many discussions about God, life goals, and serving God with their gifts and talents. God is awesome in how He continues to teach us new ways to impact our children in an ever changing world.

Be prepared to hear more than you bargained for. This open dialog brings with it eye opening reality of what our children face every day when they walk out our front doors. They may tell you things that will send you straight to your knees, which is good, prayer is a perfect place to be when they are out of your circle of protection. Try not to show shock or fear when these unusual events take place, instead use these times to show God’s protection and sovereignty. Ask questions like, “What do you think God…”, or “How would God…” Becoming aware of opportunities to share God’s wisdom with your children is paramount to directing their path. I have said this before, unfortunately there are no requirements to becoming a parent, no test, or schooling is required. However, we have the best parenting book there is; it’s the Bible. Everything that children can and will get into is addressed between the covers of God’s word. Which brings me back to being prepared. In order to know where to direct our children we must first be in the scriptures ourselves. We cannot teach what we do not know. Please hear me on this, if you have to go looking for the answer after they ask the question you may have lost that opportunity. God can bring that same question up again, He will always give us a second chance. In this fast paced, techno world parents have to be three steps ahead of their children in order to be effective in leading them. Our children won’t usually wait around, there are too many things to take their attention away from a question they might bring in passing. Write down every question you can think of and then dig into the Bible and find the answers. Keep a cheat sheet if you need to, it’s that important to be prepared. Remember, you are not perfect, no parent is; all we can do is our best. Being prepared is never a bad thing.

Teaching and modeling God for our children shouldn’t be uncomfortable for them or for you. It should be a natural thing, part of who you are, every day events handled through God. Brow beating our children only breaks their spirit and turns them away from God. Make God a natural part of every conversation. This week when you check your pulse also check your heart. Is it open and ready to be quiet and still, eagerly listening to your children and really hearing what their saying?