THE MOURNING AFTER

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
 Matthew 5:4

After every loss in life there is a “mourning after”. Not just a “morning” of “mourning”, but a significant period of time in which we reflect on what we had, on what we lost and what tomorrow will bring. Last weekend we had the privilege of attending the marriage of our oldest daughter. It was a tear-filled time to say the least, as she married the man of her dreams. Trust me when I “say” that I understand she is still our daughter and that her husband is now a new member of the family, but give me the grace to still “mourn” over what will never be again. I was totally unprepared for the emotions that welled up within me and came pouring out during the service. It was a little embarrassing especially since I was performing the ceremony, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. In an effort to process these feelings I wanted to share them with you today. We all deal with loss in our lives from time to time but we seldom deal with the rubble left behind. When you have time this week, sift your own circumstances through the filter of the “mourning after”. My hope is that you will gain a better perspective of your own loss.
 
Affirmation and love…
 
Even though we were not and are not the perfect parents (and who is?), our affirmation and love are still there for our daughter. She is an intelligent woman who has found a great man to build a life together. We can’t be more proud of her accomplishments, her ability to navigate life’s challenges and her humility to admit and learn from her mistakes. Our love for her is stronger than it has ever been even though she has tossed us to the curb like yesterday’s trash. Just kidding… although it isn’t easy for me to accept the fact that I have been replaced by a new man in her life.   
 
Fear and trepidation…
 
It’s a cold cruel world out there. Even though we believe and trust in their mutual ability to function as a normal healthy married couple, (Boy…that makes me sound old!) I struggle with fear, knowing that the devil is on the prowl looking for marriages he can destroy. Did I share everything that they need to know to protect their marriage? How can I cover additional concerns without coming across as a meddling middle-aged old man (fifty something is the new forty something, right…); especially when I would be a meddling middle-aged old man if I did try to intrude into their affairs without permission.   
 
Tears of joy…
 
The few moments I struggled with my emotions where not all based in sadness; most of my tears were the result of the joy in my heart. There before me stood a beautiful woman who used to be my little girl. A little girl who liked to go places; she roller skated up and down the driveway, she ran away from home but didn’t get far because she couldn’t cross the street and she learned how to drive by buying a “cute” car with a manual transmission before she knew how to drive it. Now she was getting ready to go again, but this time it was on her honey-moon. Where’s the permission slip for that field trip?
 
Empty closets…
 
Although our daughter has been on her own for many years. Empty closets are one of the first signs that your children are really growing up. Until they take all of their “stuff” you have this funny feeling that they may just move back in some day. My wife and I have found that if you “down size” your home every time a child moves out and shrink your garage by actually parking a car in it, you can increase the odds that they won’t return, but alas there are no guarantees. At least empty closets are an indication that an “empty nest” may be around the corner. Please quit laughing, it will happen to you some day if you’re not careful.
 
Regrets realized…
 
As we reflect on the past, we are also tempted to be overcome with real or imaginary regrets. This is further complicated by a society that likes to blame everyone else for their problems. We need to rest assured that God is in charge. Once our children are grown up and are out of the house they are responsible for their own choices. Did we do everything right? No. Could we have done more? Of course we could have. But children have to make their own decisions so they can experience the “thrill of victory” and the “agony of defeat” for themselves. We did the best we could, most of the time, and trust that God was watching our back when we needed it the most.   
 
Loss is never easy, but it is manageable. In our situation, what was “lost” has just been “replaced” with something new. It’s not tragic, it is just different. There are new experiences ahead that will combine with the memories of the past to create another chapter in our life. Check your own pulse this week and see if the “mourning after” is as bad as you think. Maybe God has created something just as good or better for you. Sift through your loss, mix what’s left with your present and look forward to a great future with God providing all the comfort you’ll ever need.