INTENTIONAL PARENTING
“ Train a child in the way he should go, and
 when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6

Growing up in a house full of boys was interesting. When I was a child my mother was ill and in the hospital a lot so I was moved from relative to relative so my father could work and take care of my mother. Not until my mother died and my father later remarried did I have a stable home life. By then I was ten and was happy being one of the boys. My new step mom was happy to have a little girl but I’m sure equally perplexed as to how to bring me back to being a real girl, after all I had survived for ten years just being one of the boys. She had her hands full trying to tame me. I could climb trees, arm wrestle, play baseball, dad even let me help him with lawn mowers and yard stuff. I was happier being outside with dad and the boys than inside with mom learning to cook and clean, and polish silver. I was the quintessential tom boy! Now, I know that some of you who know me find this hard to believe but it is true just the same. Those who know me best won’t find this fact hard to believe at all! Needless to say my step mom won out and I kind of enjoyed becoming a real girl. Down the road my father adopted my step brothers and mom adopted me and we became a family, a blended family in the true sense of the word. As teenagers the boys bumped heads with dad and of course I bumped heads with mom, very typical behavior for any home with teenagers in it. No home is perfect. In high school I began to take classes in home economics, child psychology and general psychology. I wanted answers on how to be a great mom, (keep in mind I had never bonded with my own mom due to her illness.) My new mom was teaching me to sew, cook, (which I hated, because I wanted to be outside with the boys) and how to be a home maker. Even though it must have appeared that I wasn’t paying attention I still got it. Thanks mom! The bottom line here is this, I set out to find a plan on how to be a great parent who was totally vested in their child’s life and have it be balanced. When I became a Christian I learned that God had given us the best parenting manual there was, the Bible. Pulling from that knowledge and the classes in high school I started to devise a plan on what I wanted to work on as an intentional parent.
 
PLANNING TO BE A GREAT PARENT
 
Just like in any field of expertise a game plan is essential. I am not saying that you can be the perfect parent, none of us will ever be that. Only God is perfect. However, with a plan in mind of when to start a family, how large it will be, deciding on what the ground rules will be for discipline, and many more decisions, at least you and your husband will be on the same page. We all know that when a baby is coming we prepare the crib, the changing table, the closet, we also read all the parenting and name books, but in reality that’s just playing catch up. We should have already been in prayer over the reasons for starting a family, the wisdom and skills to be a great parent, and looking for a strong Christian couple who have or are successfully raising great children. There is a lot to be said for seeking advice from other Christian parents who have been there and done that.  Keep in mind that planning is just that, a plan needs to have room in it for change. Be flexible, we don’t know what tomorrow will hold for us, or for our children. The things that aren’t ever to be flexible are our belief in God and His standards for our life. These things are not negotiable.  So when life throws us a curve ball the children will adjust if you hold firm to the beliefs of the Lord and model by example that everything is alright and God is in control.
 
SET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER
 
Being an intentional parent means that you are working toward, planning and implementing what needs to be done. Just like in any job, there are different ways to get the job accomplished. What is the best plan of attack to getting your home in order? What are the upfront costs, the hidden costs, and how will you pay for those things you didn’t know to plan for? I know this sounds cold and impersonal; however, with a plan in place and well thought out, it leaves more time after baby is actually here to bond, and become a family.  The little things in life often get looked over because we are consumed with the fear that we have bitten off more than we can chew. If we are confident that all is in order we can relax and enjoy the process of parenting and becoming a family. We can’t know all that may happen and how it will affect us, but we can plan for the obvious and cushion the unexpected.
 
SET A LIFE PLAN
 
In coaching couples my husband and I have discovered that most people do not have a life plan, and some married couples don’t even know what we mean by that. Del often describes it this way: “looking back from the end of your life, where do you want to be at the end?” Then set “living goals” which means what do I do today to accomplish my end results. We do this every day in finances, in planning for our future, but where we fail is realizing that this means more than a roof over our heads, it means what or how did we impact our children.  You see we are not raising children, we are raising adults. Have we given them the skills to survive in this world, have we prepared them spiritually to lean on God and His wisdom? What will our legacy be at the end of the day? My prayer is that I have always tried to point my children to the Lord and His leading in their life. I pray every day for each of them and their spouses, to be seeking the Lord in all that they do, and that they would be planning to be godly spouses and parents. A legacy is just that, what you leave behind, bad or good. I’m working on making mine great.
 
Some of you are already past the stage where your children are home, they have married or perhaps not, but no longer live at home. The reality here is that you are still their parent and how you finish this life after the children leave home is just as important as the beginning. Everything we do in life is being watched by someone, everything we say or react to is being scrutinized by someone. Are you modeling Christ’s love and grace as you walk through this life? Are you modeling for your adult children how to be a great grandparent? Do you meddle or are you there if they come to you for advice? Our job as parents never ends, it just changes and hopefully we adjust and do it well. Whether you are at the beginning of thinking about parenting or in the stage where you wondering if you did enough now that they are grown, just know that God is in control. The best we can do is to be intentional, plan and seek His wisdom as parents.
 
As you check your pulse this week please think and pray about other areas of your life where you could or should be intentional in planning your life goals. Will they include seeking His wisdom and purpose for your life? Life is an adventure and we need to be intentional about His purpose for our lives. Planning starts the ball rolling, you know you can do it, so get started!
   
Kathi Brixey
“Still Being Intentional”
 
CHALLENGED TO THE CORE
P.O. BOX 414
LAKE ARROWHEAD, CA. 92352-0414

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